Saturday, 28 May 2011

Blood and Sand.. Honor and Glory.. Fame and Riches...

An Iron is forged in fire, Heated to the temperature to make it stand the test of time, never give up and prove its mettle..
Gold is purified in fire. Heated so that it can come out Pure and hold a higher Value.
A Diamond is initially a Coal. After 1000years of pressure it comes out as a rough diamond. Even then it is cut, polished and then it holds value. It becomes what it is after 1000years patience. 
Even a simple thing as Water must be boiled over a 100degrees to be pure.

Everything has to go through the fire and heat, the pressure and patience to become the person who is strong like the iron, priceless like the diamond and pure like gold..

So now maybe a tough time, a pressure situation with fire and heat from all sides.
For now maybe dark, it maybe painful but it will pave way to a better, brighter tomorrow.
Rough it out. 
Stand up every time you fall.
Stabilize every time you slip.
Pick the pieces and dry the blood, drink the tears every time you break.
Try every time you fail.
That is the true test, the true mark of a Champion. 

Once these times pass and you survive the test with your head held high, broke but dint bow down. Failed but dint give up. When everyone said you couldnt do it, you did it. When everyone said quit, you stuck it out and pulled it through. You stood, with your head held high, bleeding, alone, hurt but Tall. 

For Blood and Sand. For Honor and Glory. For Fame and Riches.
I Stand, I fight, I win..
H.O.P.E.. F.A.I.T.H.. B.E.L.I.E.V.E.. 

Thursday, 12 May 2011

Facebook back then...

In 2001

 Status Update - US Government - Our two towers have been hit by planes!
Osama likes this. 
 Osama – Success!!
  Bush – who could be behind this?
Osama likes this.
 Bush – Why is Osama liking everything today!?
 Osama – Snickr! Snickr! Jackass!

Clinton – Lewinsky Scandal
Status Update - BillJust got A Brazilian wax 
Hillary and Monica Like this.

In 2007

Indian Tourism Page _ Atithi Devo Bhava (Guest is God Like)
Status Update - “Today our theme is Mumbai City. Please check out our album.”
100 pictures of Places to Visit while in Mumbai.
Kasab Likes This.
Indian Tourism – Thank you Kasab. Do Visit our country next time your get time. Get a camera to shoot breath taking landscapes.
Kasab – I sure will visit soon :p and get a “camera” to shoot “images”.
Indian Tourism – You can stay as long as you like at the TAJ and we will treat you like a King!
Kasab likes this

April 29th 2011
Osama just updated his country to Pakistan and home town to Islamabad
The CIA likes this
Osama – SonfoBiych!

Zakhir Ur Rehman has sent Osama an invite on Mafia Wars.

British Petroleum likes FISH TANKS

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Movies Then and Now.. Whats changed?!

Movies we loved. We grew up watching them.. Here is my Twist on the movies if they were made in 2011

Deewar - 
2 brothers. Same Mother. One righteous Cop other a Gangster. Cop does his duty kills the brother. Famous Dialogue - "Mere pass bangla hai.. blah blah blah.." "Mere pass Maa hai.. 

Now - Same deal. 
Gangster - "mere pass bangla hai, gaadi hai, blah blah blah hai.. tumhare pass kya hai!"
Cop - "Haha.. Loser! Mere pass woh sab hai.. plus Adarsh society main flat hai. Satyam main investment hai. Swiss account hai! F.O!"
Gangster - "toh maa kahan hai!?" 
Cop - "She is gone on a Euro Trip bro.. 3G scam main bahut kamaya"

Amar Akbar Anthony..

Then - 3 brothers, twist of fate, separated at childhood. One is taken in by a Hindu - Amar. One us by a Muslim - Akbar and the third by a Christian - Anthony. Paths cross after 20 odd years and they are re-united.. They live happily ever After...

Now - 3 brothers, Twist of fate they are separated during IPL. Amar supports Mumbai Indians.. Akbar - Bangalore RC and Anthony - Kolkata Knight riders.. They fight for 40 days..  
They are re-united during WC 2011 when they support India.. They all worship the same God - Sachin Tendulkar.
They live happily ever after - until IPL 2012 atleast..

Then - Gabbar cuts off Thakurs hands.. Ties Viru, Makes basanti dance for him..

Gabbar catches Thakur and cuts his Thumbs so that thakur cant use his BlackBerry messenger..
Then he ties Basanti and askes Viru to dance for him.. and uploads the pics on FB - Gabbar and Viru are now in a realtionship. its complicated - basanti and samba dislike this

Mr. India 
Nice Guy Finds Bracelet that makes him invisible. Kicks Blondie's ass!

Mr. India - Guy finds bracelet that makes him invisible. Makes MMS clips.. Rich Perve!

Actually it should be
Ms. India - Poonam Pandey. She's not seen in red, rather she's not been seen at all!

You know the plot..

Now - Raj meets Simran on the train. They fall in Lust. Simran is gonna get married to this Punjabi guy in India. Raj follows. Falls in Love with the Punjabi guy. Elopes and Gets married to him in Vegas.


Tuesday, 10 May 2011

What Were They Thinking?

 I travel a lot on weekends. And I came across some places that made me wonder who named them! And most importantly what were they on?

      1.       Dadar – Daa-dar – It means stairs, but according to the Indonesian dictionary it means – Omlette   
      2.       Thane – Tha-neigh – It means Prison in Hindi. Why would they name it something like that? 
      3.     Ghatkopar – Ghat-copper – Break it up it means “ghat ke upar” Over the Ghat.
      4.       Andheri –  and-hairy -  Andhera means darkness. Andheri is female darkness?
      5.       Titwala – never mind u got the point ;)
      6.       Pimpri – Pimp-ree – This the ghetto town. Yeah the Detroit of Pune! (I don’t know what it means! But it has PIMP  in its name and that does it for me!)
       7.       Bhosari – I don’t think so I am allowed to explain this here. It’s a slang, lets leave it at that!
       8.       Khadki – Kirkee – just sounds hilarious!

And this is not restricted to India only!
1.       New Zealand/ New York – what was before it was new? Zealand and York? Or Old Zealand and Old York. What does Zealand mean anyway?
                 2.   Sudan – All of a sudan I realize I shouldn’t make fun of this country

thats how our ancestors rolled!! They had a whacky sense of humor.. :)

Ancestor 1 and Ancestor 2 are talking

A1 - Now that we have killed people and won our land. We need to give it a name!
A2 - What should we call this place?
A1 - The girls here look pretty well endowed.. lets call this place Titwala. 
A2 - I likey likey!
A1 - what about this place!?
A2 - hmmm.. lets see. its a little shady and they got gangsta's here. Lets call it Pimpri.

meanwhile in a country far far away...

A3 - What should we call our Country?
A4 - Lets give it such a badass name that people dont know how to pronounce it. and our future generation will laugh their gutts out when people will try to say the name of the country.
A3 - * Czechoslovakia* sorry!!!
A4 - Thats brilliant!! we'll call it whatever you just said!
A3 - What? I sneezed! 
A4 - Czechoslovakia it is!!

This was in good fun if any terrorist is looking for me.  Elvis has left the building. :D

Monday, 9 May 2011

Stalker Anthems

I bet you all enjoy sundays.. You can do what you like, when u like.. with whom u like...
whilst i enjoy the sunday that is my everyday life. And the uselessness is awesome..

What do i do? i love listening to music. and thats where the trouble starts.

You listen to awesome songs recommended by your friends and then fall in love with the lyrics..
All you want to do is sing a long.. Google the lyrics and the songs on your page..
now sing along... and then, "hey! hey! hey!! waitaminute! these lyrics are so creepy!"
Thats right.. Who the funk wrote them!? So here i am bringing to you awesome creepy songs that we all listened to, we sang along! but never realized the Stalker-ness in them! Heres my list of creepy songs!
so without further ado.. i bring to you.


1. Escape - Enrique Iglesias.
Stalker Quotient - "You can run, You can hide, but u cant escape my love..."

Dude, if she is running let her go.

2. Tu Haan kar ya Na kar - Darr
Stalker Quotient - "Tu haan kar ya na kar tu hai meri Kiran"

have you notices ever since the release of this song parents have stopped naming their kids kiran!?

3. Santa Claus is coming to town - Christmas Carols! (yes! it is creepy!)
Stalker Quotient - "He sees when your sleeping.. He knows when your awake. He knows if you've been bad or good.. so be good for goodness sake.. santa claus is coming to town!"

Stalker Claus!! leave the kids alone!!!

4. Like a stone - AudioSlave
Stalker Quotient - "In your House, I long to be.. Room by room patiently, I'll wait for you there, like a stone. I'll wait for you there... Alone"

No! No! No! Dude seriously!! that is just wrong! Girls dont like that man!
Call her, be nice. if she like you she'll call you over.. and please use the stairs and ring the doorbell!!

5. Mary had a little Lamb - Nursery Rhyme (yes kids you've been trained to stalk from nursery!)
Stalker Quotient - "Mary had a little lamb, It followed her everywhere"

Minced meet?

6. Superman - Eminem ( i know, i know this one is meant to be that way, but it qualifies for my list!)
Stalker Quotient - "We'll be friends.. I'll call you again, I'll chase you around every bar you attend, Never know what type of car i'll be in.. see how much you'll be partying then!"

Its meant to be that way.

7. I wanna be your underwear - Bryan Adams (yes he did it too!!)
Stalker Quotient - "i wanna be your t-shirt whens it wet.. i wanna be the shower when you sweat"

Listen to the whole song.. its a complete stalker anthem!!

8. Lal Duppatte wali - Aanken (govinda, chunkey pandey)
Stalker Quotient - "o lal duppate wali tera naam toh bata.."

Eve teasing at its best!

Dont download.. Piracy is bad.. (lol!!)

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Happy mothers day.

I wrote these following lines for my mother who has been My friend, My guide, My life. 

Happy Mothers day maa.. I hope you like this.

My Mothers hands

Mother, Mother, Mother
Your hands are like no other.
Always there on my head when I took a nap,
Even when I did wrong to discipline me with a slap.
And then she hold me close when I cried,
Wiped my tears while she herself broke from inside.
Her hands were always there when I bruised and bled
To make things better and to tuck me in the bed
She stayed hungry to make sure I was well fed
They taught me how to read and write
Even told me bed time stories 
and fought the monsters under the bed at night.
Kissed my forehead held my hands tight
And put me to bed telling me everythings gonna be alright
Now her weary hands show the hardships they went through to make sure my future is bright
Her eyes sparkle cause now I am no longer her little boy but her shining armored knight.

I love you Mother. Thanks for making me the Man I am today.

Saturday, 7 May 2011

The meaning of India

I'm feeling a little more Patriotic than usual today.

Has anybody ever wondered how towns, cities, countries were named?

Some have a logical explanation -
 Iceland - Land of Ice.
Bangladesh - Country of Bengali speaking people

While some have Historical Explanation -
America - Named after Amerigo Vespucci
West Indies - Named after Columbus discovered a land thought to be India but to the west.

What does India mean?

Before that there are many other things this country is referred to as

"Bharat" - According to the Purans's Bharatvarsha is named after King Bharata.
Of the stories I have heard while growing up.
"King Bharat was a brave king as a kid he used to play with lions, he ushered a bright new era as a king."
Hindusthan - A land where Hindus stay. (This was much before India broke up in 1947)
Land of the Golden Sparrow -  (The Bhagvad Gita c4v7-8) this was before Vasco Da Gama came to India.

Hind/Sind - (944 AD) The land ruled by the Sind and Hind rulers.

India is a rich country, by culture and money, Honey! 
As history teaches us - India was a richer country. And the whole of west - Portuguese, Italy, French, British sent out ships and and captains with crew to look for This rich country.
Finally Vasco Da Gama, from Portugal successfully reached India in 1498.
followed by French and British colonies and 400years of plundering and darkness, more on that later.

So what does India mean?

India - India, The name is derived from Sindhu, River Indus as we better know now. So in short it means The land where the river Indus flows. Indus became India.

More on my Country later.

Friday, 6 May 2011

A Royal Wedding and a Funeral.

Last weekend was EPIC. We had A Royal wedding and a funeral. And now that its over don’t you think something is amiss? 

        1.       The Brits have nothing to bet on now. Apparently they even measured the first kiss, it was 0.7 seconds long. They bet on everything from kate’s designer gown to the number of hair strands left on William’s head.  

        2.        The Americans have achieved their 10year dream. So until the point Osama was alive we all had something to look forward to, i.e Nailing that S.O.B. and Now that he’s gone, dead, ka-putt (or so he wants us to believe, while he chills with his best friends Mush and Bush) *Oh no! he dint just say that!* Americans took 10years to capture him but minutes to kill him.

       3.       We Indians on the other hand. Caught our terrorist within 2 days of the incident (Mumbai -26/11/2008) and have kept him alive for almost 3years. I pay 10% of my salary as taxes to keep him alive! We take our Indian tourism motto very seriously “Atithi Devo Bhava” which means “The Guest is to be treated like God!”
Our terrorist is given a trial to defend himself. Note – he was caught on camera killing people. He denies that was him and the case carries on. He has hired OJ Simpson’s lawyers.

So what do we do now? No more wedding until Harry decides to marry, which by the Grin on his face and the look in his eyes on the day seemed like the day would be NEVER. He doesn’t want to suffer from the condition - ONE-GINA.
No more terrorists to be caught. Unless India is proactive and traces down 2,359* (and counting) terrorists and executes them.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Erm... Uhm.. Err!! Yeah! thats what it is!!

 Havent you seen many self help books that have man on the cover with greased up hairstyle and a grin that shows 40 of his 32 teeth (yes! 40) all you want to do his sock that mother-lover in his face.  
I came across this book that apparently “helps you get women” What a load of nonsense.. You have seen Cosmo do it, Youtube explain it, Google it. I am sure none of these authors ever got laid, by a human atleast.
I hate it when I come across Home shopping channels with ridiculous products.

           1.   “Chun Funk” Height increaser – it’s a shoe insole and all it does is poke ur feet. You are to walk in this for 1hour daily and you can increase your height by 4inches. Bull crap all you get is Sore Feet.
This has a Chinese name something like “Chun Funk” which probably means “Your money is mine suckaa!!”. To make you think “Yea, its from the exotic far east, it must be true.” If it was all Asians would be Yeo Ming!

           2.    Edward Cullen presents “Freaky, Crazy ass White” fairness cream – (There are actual fairness creams here in India who claim to make you fair. Racist Idiots!) the sales pitch goes like this “Are you Dark skinned?” “Got dark circles under your eyes!?” basically it’s a load of nonsense ,  and then some other Fair girl walks in who talks bout her misery when she was not that fair.. And the whole scene goes black and white, this fair girl walks in with a ton of tar on her face, looking ridiculous and then her friend offers her FREAKY WHITE and tells her “You’d shine like Edward now!” and presto! shes fair! Where did the tar go?
instead if that was the truth – We would all be of one color and Benetton would shut down leaving russel jobless.
          3.    Snow white Teeth – Whiten your teeth in 10mins. Before using this product if no one spoke to you after using this no one ever will hang 10 feet around you. Because even if this works you will look like Ross Gellar in that FRIENDS episode where his teeth are freakishly white.
The truth - They’d probably re start the Guillotine system and scream WITCH WITCH and throw eggs while you get your head chopped off.

         4.     Justin Beiber HairStyling Cream – Justin does have great hair, I admit. But you wouldn’t wanna roam around the street looking like that chasing women screaming “Baby, baby!!”
No amount of hair gel or hair Re-growth can give you that hair.
                                              TO BE CONTINUED......

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

The Mayans and MY theory of 2012

All this fuss about 2012 is getting way out of hand.
the mayans predicted “ The world as we know it will come to an end on 22nd December 2012.” How did these guys predict something 5,125 years ago?
well I don’t know if its true or not but I am a non believer. 2012 may not happen at all, but the movie 2012 did bomb, maybe thats wat the mayans predicted "5125years in the future a movie called 2012 will bomb at the box office!!"
Anyway so here is how I picture the whole event that went down 5,125 years ago in a Mayan tribe.

My theory
The year is 4000 BC, Mayan tribe, it’s afternoon time. 2 mischievous kids, !Sksak and ?Musha bunked the jungle school.
!Sksak suffered from ADD (hence the ! before his name. Who has a ! before their name, u ask – Read – russell peters and !XOBILE)
And ?Musha was a Confused Kid hence the ? before his name (Who has a ? before their name. u ask? Its my story, and I feel like it, hence ?Musha!!)
So they just bunked Jungle school and decided to work on their tree house, erm.. well lets just say house, coz those days everybody lived on a tree or caves.
These kids found a coal and a round wheel and decided to play an elaborate prank on their friends but since these kids had nothing to do they decided to pwn people after 5125years..

The conversation went something like this.

!Sksak - ?Musha, come here man.. quick! I got it! I got it!! Yes!! 
?Musha – Calm the F down man! Why are you yelling!
!Sksak – Well we will make our own calendar and freak people out that the world is coming to an end!
?Musha – Uhm.. I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My parents would stone me to death if they found out!
(Those days stoning someone meant todays “go to your room!” and life had no value)
!Sksak – Lets do it to people way into the future.. Like how bout 5125years ahead!!
?Musha – Jesus Christ! Why would you do something like that!!
!Sksak – Jesus? Not for another 4000years man.. Dude chill. I’m telling you some idiots would freak out in that year! It’ll be EPIC!!!
*they go ahead designing the wheel, once its done*

?Musha – I’m still not sure! How would we know if it works!
!Sksak – Uh-oh.. Damn..
?Musha – I gotta run man. My mom is cooking T-Rex for dinner today.
!Sksak – What do we do of this junk now?
?Musha – lets bury it and hope people find it and decipher this  and freak out!

So they do and I am very sure those two kids must be rolling on the floor now somewhr!!
Got it off the Net. Cracked me up!

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Life In Mumbai

For those who stay in India knows Mumbai is the place to be to make it big. For those who stay elsewhere this is the New York, Hollywood, Milan, Melbourne, Manchester, Bangkok of India.
Mumbai is the city to be if you want to be the next Amitabh Bachchan or Shah Rukh Khan because of the Indian Film Industry, which i hate it when people call it “Bollywood”.

You all must have heard a lot about Mumbai -
1. Slumdog Millionaire was shot here
2. Shantaram - Gregory David Roberts. (must read)

One of the places in Mumbai is called Dadar, (Daa-darr) which according to Google Translation, translates to Omlette in English from Indonesian. *confused look*
Dadar is the one of the most crowded places to catch a local train from. At any given moment of the day there is crowd big enough to make the biggest Thanksgiving day parade look small.
For eg.- You Come from Japan or America where you have escalators where you stand on it and it carries you to your platform, simple. Hah! We top that here in Dadar. All you have to do is stand at the entrance people will take you there comfortably.. into the wrong train.

Lets say you are in the train and you hear the announcement “Next station dadar” Gear up. Because if you cant get down in time the people getting in will enter and you reach the next station.
Let me illustrate the feeling with an example.
Eg.- When i look out of the local train and see dadar station approach I feel like a Rock star with the pool of people waiting at the station, wanting to just throw myself and be carried by my fans.. Until the train halts then I feel like King Leonidas against a million.. "No prisoners! No mercy!" its a battlefield!

This city grows on to you, you begin to love it. Marine Drive, Queens Necklace, Haji Ali etc.

Monday, 2 May 2011

A Mint leaf - Blind man's point of view

Blogathon Day 2

We see these things on a daily basis because we are blessed with Vision. Close your eyes and navigate across the room, its difficult. But to a blind man, this is routine. In this next post I attempt to describe a Mint leaf to a blind person using my FIVE senses.


Light, small like a feather fits in your palm. Smooth like a baby’s cheek yet wrinkly as an old man’s skin.
Take a smell and it fills your lungs with freshness and in you want some more. Besides the lungs it gives a fresh-shot to your brains and it stays there lingering, opens up your mind with one whiff!
Chew it, it’s a mint blast, freshens your mouth and with a gulp you feel the freshness right to your stomach, highlighting every internal organ on it way…
It looks like the map of Mumbai pointing out the roads and the three railway life lines of Mumbai city stretching all the way through the ends of the leaf.
It is green in color, the color of prosperity, the color of money. The color of morning freshness, when you walk in the park and everything feels like and smells like the first rain!
The rustling of its leaves, when attached to the branches,  sounds like the waterfall fiercely hitting the rocks a hundred feet below except this is a thousand times softer.

Thank you Mrs. Patricia Chandrashekhar you have truly been an inspiration and a guiding light. I dedicate this Blogathon to you Ma'am. 
And also to my loving parents who celebrate their 25year wedding anniversary this month.

Sunday, 1 May 2011

An Apple - A blind man's view.

Blogathon - Post 1

I look at this shiny dark red globe that is always depicted in pictures of the Garden of Eden. It reminds me of Adam and Eve when I touch it. It smells as beautiful as the smell in the park at 6am when the grass and the leaves have bathed in the morning dew. The bright red color mixed with a tinge of orange from Mother Nature’s palette gives it life. When you hold it you can’t help but reminisce about the history its been through from Eve to Newton.
 It gave us an insight into gravity and Steve his Job. It is our best friend, and a Doctor’s worst enemy. A bite into the apple and you hear a crunch like the ball off the middle of Sachin Tendulkar’s bat and then you hear it echo in your head every time you chew and the juices fill your mouth and take over your senses.  One gulp and it urges you for just one more leaving a lingering taste long after its done.
So slice it, dice it, cut it, crush it, peel it, eat it, savor it and put it on your diet list. It’s a faithful friend and a humble servant, a humble servant with its master throughout the year, unlike the king (the mango) who comes to visit his subjects for just three months of the year.
The seeds are like a gun pellet ready to fire up into an apple and destroy all diseases and help build a safer wall of immunity.