How to be an award winning copywriter

Copywriters - defn. (cant be a verb coz they dont DO anything) - a spoilt brat, devil child who messes up everything in an agency and blames it on the servicing guy.

How to be an award winning writer in 10 steps

1. Do extensive 'research' on adsoftheworld. com - that will help you get "inspired" from what others are doing all over the world.

2. Use dictionary. com or microsoft word to correct your spellings.

3. Twitter. com to practice writing in 140 characters or less.

4. Tubmlr. com or any blogging site to post your views (all copywriters feel they are far better at life and philosophy than Aristotle, Socrates and somewhere Einstein knew less than them)

5. Post 9gag pictures onto facebook (coz nothing says i am cool as much as posting troll updates on fb)

6. Punch a servicing guy when your copies suck and you cant take the blame so blame it on the servicing guy for not being able to sell it. (this will help in de-stressing)

7. Correct your art guy's creative - coz Michelangelo and Da Vinci were your students at one point.. you obviously know more than them..

8. Come drunk to office or go out for regular smokes - coz thats what  all copywriters do and frankly you cant think without a smoke..

9. Talk about instagram and pinterst - they are the in things, talk about it even if you care a squat about it...

10. Watch Madmen and say you start hitting on every moving thing in your vicinity - if Don can do it.. so can I!!


Follow these steps and you shall one day be the whats what in the ad world!


PS. I am not a copywriter.. coz I still have a soul.

The Creation

What if somewhere up there in the heavens there are a bunch of human. No Gender, No Money, No nothing.
So these bunch of Neutral Humans are called for a convention by God.

God - You are the next bunch of humans to be born on Earth. But before you are dispatched down to Earth we must decide your gender. Now I'll ask you'll certain questions based on which you will be divided into Men and Women.

* Which of you want to be pretty, delicate, ever forgiving and always be the center of attention? Step aside

A group of humans came forward. Sounds like a lucrative offer.

The rest that stayed back wanted to hear for the next option.

But there is one catch for those who stepped up, said the Almighty, you will have to cook, clean and bleed occasionally.

Not that bad a deal they said.

* Now for those brave few who stayed back, bordering idiots, here's your offer. You will be physically strong and have logical reasoning you will be condemned to take care of everyone around you, forget your life and your peace and serve the moral duty serving the first kind. You will be running behind them, working for them keeping them happy. You will be given a special organ which will do the duty of draining the logic when you see them and all common sense will break loose. You will apologize for everything and be subjected to judgement based on your physical looks.

The first kind were women.. the second were the real losers - Men.

For those who have seen the Matrix - the star cast were called onto the matrix world by a phone call by which they would transfer themselves to and fro to the real world.

What if that were the truth? And we are transferred to Earth by something similar what we call Sex. and there is a Giant Tube like in Water Kingdom which we slide down and enjoy a 9month ride and come out of the uterus. Mind = blown!

Blood and Sand.. Honor and Glory.. Fame and Riches...

An Iron is forged in fire, Heated to the temperature to make it stand the test of time, never give up and prove its mettle..
Gold is purified in fire. Heated so that it can come out Pure and hold a higher Value.
A Diamond is initially a Coal. After 1000years of pressure it comes out as a rough diamond. Even then it is cut, polished and then it holds value. It becomes what it is after 1000years patience. 
Even a simple thing as Water must be boiled over a 100degrees to be pure.


Everything has to go through the fire and heat, the pressure and patience to become the person who is strong like the iron, priceless like the diamond and pure like gold..


So now maybe a tough time, a pressure situation with fire and heat from all sides.
For now maybe dark, it maybe painful but it will pave way to a better, brighter tomorrow.
Rough it out. 
Stand up every time you fall.
Stabilize every time you slip.
Pick the pieces and dry the blood, drink the tears every time you break.
Try every time you fail.
That is the true test, the true mark of a Champion. 


Once these times pass and you survive the test with your head held high, broke but dint bow down. Failed but dint give up. When everyone said you couldnt do it, you did it. When everyone said quit, you stuck it out and pulled it through. You stood, with your head held high, bleeding, alone, hurt but Tall. 


For Blood and Sand. For Honor and Glory. For Fame and Riches.
I Stand, I fight, I win..
H.O.P.E.. F.A.I.T.H.. B.E.L.I.E.V.E.. 

Facebook back then...

In 2001

 Status Update - US Government - Our two towers have been hit by planes!
Osama likes this. 
 Osama – Success!!
  Bush – who could be behind this?
Osama likes this.
 Bush – Why is Osama liking everything today!?
 Osama – Snickr! Snickr! Jackass!

Clinton – Lewinsky Scandal

Status Update - Bill – Just got A Brazilian wax 
Hillary and Monica Like this.

In 2007

Indian Tourism Page _ Atithi Devo Bhava (Guest is God Like)

Status Update - “Today our theme is Mumbai City. Please check out our album.”

100 pictures of Places to Visit while in Mumbai.

Kasab Likes This.

Indian Tourism – Thank you Kasab. Do Visit our country next time your get time. Get a camera to shoot breath taking landscapes.
Kasab – I sure will visit soon :p and get a “camera” to shoot “images”.
Indian Tourism – You can stay as long as you like at the TAJ and we will treat you like a King!
Kasab likes this








April 29th 2011
Osama just updated his country to Pakistan and home town to Islamabad

The CIA likes this
Osama – SonfoBiych!





Zakhir Ur Rehman has sent Osama an invite on Mafia Wars.










British Petroleum likes FISH TANKS

Movies Then and Now.. Whats changed?!

Movies we loved. We grew up watching them.. Here is my Twist on the movies if they were made in 2011

Deewar - 

Then

2 brothers. Same Mother. One righteous Cop other a Gangster. Cop does his duty kills the brother. Famous Dialogue - "Mere pass bangla hai.. blah blah blah.." "Mere pass Maa hai.. 

Now - Same deal. 

Gangster - "mere pass bangla hai, gaadi hai, blah blah blah hai.. tumhare pass kya hai!"

Cop - "Haha.. Loser! Mere pass woh sab hai.. plus Adarsh society main flat hai. Satyam main investment hai. Swiss account hai! F.O!"

Gangster - "toh maa kahan hai!?" 

Cop - "She is gone on a Euro Trip bro.. 3G scam main bahut kamaya"

Amar Akbar Anthony..

Then - 3 brothers, twist of fate, separated at childhood. One is taken in by a Hindu - Amar. One us by a Muslim - Akbar and the third by a Christian - Anthony. Paths cross after 20 odd years and they are re-united.. They live happily ever After...


Now - 3 brothers, Twist of fate they are separated during IPL. Amar supports Mumbai Indians.. Akbar - Bangalore RC and Anthony - Kolkata Knight riders.. They fight for 40 days..  
They are re-united during WC 2011 when they support India.. They all worship the same God - Sachin Tendulkar.
They live happily ever after - until IPL 2012 atleast..

Sholay
Then - Gabbar cuts off Thakurs hands.. Ties Viru, Makes basanti dance for him..

NOW -
Gabbar catches Thakur and cuts his Thumbs so that thakur cant use his BlackBerry messenger..
Then he ties Basanti and askes Viru to dance for him.. and uploads the pics on FB - Gabbar and Viru are now in a realtionship. its complicated - basanti and samba dislike this.


Mr. India 
Nice Guy Finds Bracelet that makes him invisible. Kicks Blondie's ass!


Now.
Mr. India - Guy finds bracelet that makes him invisible. Makes MMS clips.. Rich Perve!


Actually it should be
Ms. India - Poonam Pandey. She's not seen in red, rather she's not been seen at all!


DDLJ
You know the plot..


Now - Raj meets Simran on the train. They fall in Lust. Simran is gonna get married to this Punjabi guy in India. Raj follows. Falls in Love with the Punjabi guy. Elopes and Gets married to him in Vegas.

THE BEGINNING!

What Were They Thinking?

 I travel a lot on weekends. And I came across some places that made me wonder who named them! And most importantly what were they on?

      1.       Dadar – Daa-dar – It means stairs, but according to the Indonesian dictionary it means – Omlette   

      2.       Thane – Tha-neigh – It means Prison in Hindi. Why would they name it something like that? 

      3.     Ghatkopar – Ghat-copper – Break it up it means “ghat ke upar” Over the Ghat.

      4.       Andheri –  and-hairy -  Andhera means darkness. Andheri is female darkness?

      5.       Titwala – never mind u got the point ;)

      6.       Pimpri – Pimp-ree – This the ghetto town. Yeah the Detroit of Pune! (I don’t know what it means! But it has PIMP  in its name and that does it for me!)

       7.       Bhosari – I don’t think so I am allowed to explain this here. It’s a slang, lets leave it at that!

       8.       Khadki – Kirkee – just sounds hilarious!

And this is not restricted to India only!

1.       New Zealand/ New York – what was before it was new? Zealand and York? Or Old Zealand and Old York. What does Zealand mean anyway?

                 2.   Sudan – All of a sudan I realize I shouldn’t make fun of this country


thats how our ancestors rolled!! They had a whacky sense of humor.. :)


Ancestor 1 and Ancestor 2 are talking


A1 - Now that we have killed people and won our land. We need to give it a name!
A2 - What should we call this place?
A1 - The girls here look pretty well endowed.. lets call this place Titwala. 
A2 - I likey likey!
A1 - what about this place!?
A2 - hmmm.. lets see. its a little shady and they got gangsta's here. Lets call it Pimpri.


meanwhile in a country far far away...


A3 - What should we call our Country?
A4 - Lets give it such a badass name that people dont know how to pronounce it. and our future generation will laugh their gutts out when people will try to say the name of the country.
A3 - * Czechoslovakia* sorry!!!
A4 - Thats brilliant!! we'll call it whatever you just said!
A3 - What? I sneezed! 
A4 - Czechoslovakia it is!!






This was in good fun if any terrorist is looking for me.  Elvis has left the building. :D

Stalker Anthems

I bet you all enjoy sundays.. You can do what you like, when u like.. with whom u like...
whilst i enjoy the sunday that is my everyday life. And the uselessness is awesome..

What do i do? i love listening to music. and thats where the trouble starts.

You listen to awesome songs recommended by your friends and then fall in love with the lyrics..
All you want to do is sing a long.. Google the lyrics and the songs on your page..
now sing along... and then, "hey! hey! hey!! waitaminute! these lyrics are so creepy!"
Thats right.. Who the funk wrote them!? So here i am bringing to you awesome creepy songs that we all listened to, we sang along! but never realized the Stalker-ness in them! Heres my list of creepy songs!
so without further ado.. i bring to you.

STALKER ANTHEMS!!!

1. Escape - Enrique Iglesias.

Stalker Quotient - "You can run, You can hide, but u cant escape my love..."

Dude, if she is running let her go.

2. Tu Haan kar ya Na kar - Darr

Stalker Quotient - "Tu haan kar ya na kar tu hai meri Kiran"

have you notices ever since the release of this song parents have stopped naming their kids kiran!?

3. Santa Claus is coming to town - Christmas Carols! (yes! it is creepy!)

Stalker Quotient - "He sees when your sleeping.. He knows when your awake. He knows if you've been bad or good.. so be good for goodness sake.. santa claus is coming to town!"

Stalker Claus!! leave the kids alone!!!

4. Like a stone - AudioSlave

Stalker Quotient - "In your House, I long to be.. Room by room patiently, I'll wait for you there, like a stone. I'll wait for you there... Alone"

No! No! No! Dude seriously!! that is just wrong! Girls dont like that man!

Call her, be nice. if she like you she'll call you over.. and please use the stairs and ring the doorbell!!

5. Mary had a little Lamb - Nursery Rhyme (yes kids you've been trained to stalk from nursery!)

Stalker Quotient - "Mary had a little lamb, It followed her everywhere"

Minced meet?

6. Superman - Eminem ( i know, i know this one is meant to be that way, but it qualifies for my list!)

Stalker Quotient - "We'll be friends.. I'll call you again, I'll chase you around every bar you attend, Never know what type of car i'll be in.. see how much you'll be partying then!"

Its meant to be that way.

7. I wanna be your underwear - Bryan Adams (yes he did it too!!)

Stalker Quotient - "i wanna be your t-shirt whens it wet.. i wanna be the shower when you sweat"

Listen to the whole song.. its a complete stalker anthem!!

8. Lal Duppatte wali - Aanken (govinda, chunkey pandey)

Stalker Quotient - "o lal duppate wali tera naam toh bata.."

Eve teasing at its best!

Dont download.. Piracy is bad.. (lol!!)