What Were They Thinking?

 I travel a lot on weekends. And I came across some places that made me wonder who named them! And most importantly what were they on?

      1.       Dadar – Daa-dar – It means stairs, but according to the Indonesian dictionary it means – Omlette   

      2.       Thane – Tha-neigh – It means Prison in Hindi. Why would they name it something like that? 

      3.     Ghatkopar – Ghat-copper – Break it up it means “ghat ke upar” Over the Ghat.

      4.       Andheri –  and-hairy -  Andhera means darkness. Andheri is female darkness?

      5.       Titwala – never mind u got the point ;)

      6.       Pimpri – Pimp-ree – This the ghetto town. Yeah the Detroit of Pune! (I don’t know what it means! But it has PIMP  in its name and that does it for me!)

       7.       Bhosari – I don’t think so I am allowed to explain this here. It’s a slang, lets leave it at that!

       8.       Khadki – Kirkee – just sounds hilarious!

And this is not restricted to India only!

1.       New Zealand/ New York – what was before it was new? Zealand and York? Or Old Zealand and Old York. What does Zealand mean anyway?

                 2.   Sudan – All of a sudan I realize I shouldn’t make fun of this country


thats how our ancestors rolled!! They had a whacky sense of humor.. :)


Ancestor 1 and Ancestor 2 are talking


A1 - Now that we have killed people and won our land. We need to give it a name!
A2 - What should we call this place?
A1 - The girls here look pretty well endowed.. lets call this place Titwala. 
A2 - I likey likey!
A1 - what about this place!?
A2 - hmmm.. lets see. its a little shady and they got gangsta's here. Lets call it Pimpri.


meanwhile in a country far far away...


A3 - What should we call our Country?
A4 - Lets give it such a badass name that people dont know how to pronounce it. and our future generation will laugh their gutts out when people will try to say the name of the country.
A3 - * Czechoslovakia* sorry!!!
A4 - Thats brilliant!! we'll call it whatever you just said!
A3 - What? I sneezed! 
A4 - Czechoslovakia it is!!






This was in good fun if any terrorist is looking for me.  Elvis has left the building. :D

Stalker Anthems

I bet you all enjoy sundays.. You can do what you like, when u like.. with whom u like...
whilst i enjoy the sunday that is my everyday life. And the uselessness is awesome..

What do i do? i love listening to music. and thats where the trouble starts.

You listen to awesome songs recommended by your friends and then fall in love with the lyrics..
All you want to do is sing a long.. Google the lyrics and the songs on your page..
now sing along... and then, "hey! hey! hey!! waitaminute! these lyrics are so creepy!"
Thats right.. Who the funk wrote them!? So here i am bringing to you awesome creepy songs that we all listened to, we sang along! but never realized the Stalker-ness in them! Heres my list of creepy songs!
so without further ado.. i bring to you.

STALKER ANTHEMS!!!

1. Escape - Enrique Iglesias.

Stalker Quotient - "You can run, You can hide, but u cant escape my love..."

Dude, if she is running let her go.

2. Tu Haan kar ya Na kar - Darr

Stalker Quotient - "Tu haan kar ya na kar tu hai meri Kiran"

have you notices ever since the release of this song parents have stopped naming their kids kiran!?

3. Santa Claus is coming to town - Christmas Carols! (yes! it is creepy!)

Stalker Quotient - "He sees when your sleeping.. He knows when your awake. He knows if you've been bad or good.. so be good for goodness sake.. santa claus is coming to town!"

Stalker Claus!! leave the kids alone!!!

4. Like a stone - AudioSlave

Stalker Quotient - "In your House, I long to be.. Room by room patiently, I'll wait for you there, like a stone. I'll wait for you there... Alone"

No! No! No! Dude seriously!! that is just wrong! Girls dont like that man!

Call her, be nice. if she like you she'll call you over.. and please use the stairs and ring the doorbell!!

5. Mary had a little Lamb - Nursery Rhyme (yes kids you've been trained to stalk from nursery!)

Stalker Quotient - "Mary had a little lamb, It followed her everywhere"

Minced meet?

6. Superman - Eminem ( i know, i know this one is meant to be that way, but it qualifies for my list!)

Stalker Quotient - "We'll be friends.. I'll call you again, I'll chase you around every bar you attend, Never know what type of car i'll be in.. see how much you'll be partying then!"

Its meant to be that way.

7. I wanna be your underwear - Bryan Adams (yes he did it too!!)

Stalker Quotient - "i wanna be your t-shirt whens it wet.. i wanna be the shower when you sweat"

Listen to the whole song.. its a complete stalker anthem!!

8. Lal Duppatte wali - Aanken (govinda, chunkey pandey)

Stalker Quotient - "o lal duppate wali tera naam toh bata.."

Eve teasing at its best!

Dont download.. Piracy is bad.. (lol!!)

Happy mothers day.

I wrote these following lines for my mother who has been My friend, My guide, My life. 

Happy Mothers day maa.. I hope you like this.

My Mothers hands

Mother, Mother, Mother

Your hands are like no other.

Always there on my head when I took a nap,

Even when I did wrong to discipline me with a slap.

And then she hold me close when I cried,

Wiped my tears while she herself broke from inside.

Her hands were always there when I bruised and bled

To make things better and to tuck me in the bed

She stayed hungry to make sure I was well fed

They taught me how to read and write

Even told me bed time stories 

and fought the monsters under the bed at night.

Kissed my forehead held my hands tight

And put me to bed telling me everythings gonna be alright

Now her weary hands show the hardships they went through to make sure my future is bright

Her eyes sparkle cause now I am no longer her little boy but her shining armored knight.

I love you Mother. Thanks for making me the Man I am today.

The meaning of India

I'm feeling a little more Patriotic than usual today.

Has anybody ever wondered how towns, cities, countries were named?

Some have a logical explanation -

 Iceland - Land of Ice.

Bangladesh - Country of Bengali speaking people

While some have Historical Explanation -

America - Named after Amerigo Vespucci

West Indies - Named after Columbus discovered a land thought to be India but to the west.

What does India mean?

Before that there are many other things this country is referred to as

"Bharat" - According to the Purans's Bharatvarsha is named after King Bharata.

Of the stories I have heard while growing up.

"King Bharat was a brave king as a kid he used to play with lions, he ushered a bright new era as a king."

Hindusthan - A land where Hindus stay. (This was much before India broke up in 1947)

Land of the Golden Sparrow -  (The Bhagvad Gita c4v7-8) this was before Vasco Da Gama came to India.

Hind/Sind - (944 AD) The land ruled by the Sind and Hind rulers.

India is a rich country, by culture and money, Honey! 

As history teaches us - India was a richer country. And the whole of west - Portuguese, Italy, French, British sent out ships and and captains with crew to look for This rich country.

Finally Vasco Da Gama, from Portugal successfully reached India in 1498.

followed by French and British colonies and 400years of plundering and darkness, more on that later.

So what does India mean?

India - India, The name is derived from Sindhu, River Indus as we better know now. So in short it means The land where the river Indus flows. Indus became India.

More on my Country later.

A Royal Wedding and a Funeral.

Last weekend was EPIC. We had A Royal wedding and a funeral. And now that its over don’t you think something is amiss? 

        1.       The Brits have nothing to bet on now. Apparently they even measured the first kiss, it was 0.7 seconds long. They bet on everything from kate’s designer gown to the number of hair strands left on William’s head.  

        2.        The Americans have achieved their 10year dream. So until the point Osama was alive we all had something to look forward to, i.e Nailing that S.O.B. and Now that he’s gone, dead, ka-putt (or so he wants us to believe, while he chills with his best friends Mush and Bush) *Oh no! he dint just say that!* Americans took 10years to capture him but minutes to kill him.

       3.       We Indians on the other hand. Caught our terrorist within 2 days of the incident (Mumbai -26/11/2008) and have kept him alive for almost 3years. I pay 10% of my salary as taxes to keep him alive! We take our Indian tourism motto very seriously “Atithi Devo Bhava” which means “The Guest is to be treated like God!”
Our terrorist is given a trial to defend himself. Note – he was caught on camera killing people. He denies that was him and the case carries on. He has hired OJ Simpson’s lawyers.


So what do we do now? No more wedding until Harry decides to marry, which by the Grin on his face and the look in his eyes on the day seemed like the day would be NEVER. He doesn’t want to suffer from the condition - ONE-GINA.
No more terrorists to be caught. Unless India is proactive and traces down 2,359* (and counting) terrorists and executes them.

Erm... Uhm.. Err!! Yeah! thats what it is!!

 Havent you seen many self help books that have man on the cover with greased up hairstyle and a grin that shows 40 of his 32 teeth (yes! 40) all you want to do his sock that mother-lover in his face.  

I came across this book that apparently “helps you get women” What a load of nonsense.. You have seen Cosmo do it, Youtube explain it, Google it. I am sure none of these authors ever got laid, by a human atleast.

I hate it when I come across Home shopping channels with ridiculous products.

           1.   “Chun Funk” Height increaser – it’s a shoe insole and all it does is poke ur feet. You are to walk in this for 1hour daily and you can increase your height by 4inches. Bull crap all you get is Sore Feet.
This has a Chinese name something like “Chun Funk” which probably means “Your money is mine suckaa!!”. To make you think “Yea, its from the exotic far east, it must be true.” If it was all Asians would be Yeo Ming!

           2.    Edward Cullen presents “Freaky, Crazy ass White” fairness cream – (There are actual fairness creams here in India who claim to make you fair. Racist Idiots!) the sales pitch goes like this “Are you Dark skinned?” “Got dark circles under your eyes!?” basically it’s a load of nonsense ,  and then some other Fair girl walks in who talks bout her misery when she was not that fair.. And the whole scene goes black and white, this fair girl walks in with a ton of tar on her face, looking ridiculous and then her friend offers her FREAKY WHITE and tells her “You’d shine like Edward now!” and presto! shes fair! Where did the tar go?
instead if that was the truth – We would all be of one color and Benetton would shut down leaving russel jobless.

                                                                                                                                                                     

          3.    Snow white Teeth – Whiten your teeth in 10mins. Before using this product if no one spoke to you after using this no one ever will hang 10 feet around you. Because even if this works you will look like Ross Gellar in that FRIENDS episode where his teeth are freakishly white.
The truth - They’d probably re start the Guillotine system and scream WITCH WITCH and throw eggs while you get your head chopped off.

         4.     Justin Beiber HairStyling Cream – Justin does have great hair, I admit. But you wouldn’t wanna roam around the street looking like that chasing women screaming “Baby, baby!!”
No amount of hair gel or hair Re-growth can give you that hair.

                                                            

                                              TO BE CONTINUED......

The Mayans and MY theory of 2012

All this fuss about 2012 is getting way out of hand.
the mayans predicted “ The world as we know it will come to an end on 22^nd December 2012.” How did these guys predict something 5,125 years ago?
well I don’t know if its true or not but I am a non believer. 2012 may not happen at all, but the movie 2012 did bomb, maybe thats wat the mayans predicted "5125years in the future a movie called 2012 will bomb at the box office!!"

Anyway so here is how I picture the whole event that went down 5,125 years ago in a Mayan tribe.

My theory

The year is 4000 BC, Mayan tribe, it’s afternoon time. 2 mischievous kids, !Sksak and ?Musha bunked the jungle school.
!Sksak suffered from ADD (hence the ! before his name. Who has a ! before their name, u ask – Read – russell peters and !XOBILE)
And ?Musha was a Confused Kid hence the ? before his name (Who has a ? before their name. u ask? Its my story, and I feel like it, hence ?Musha!!)

So they just bunked Jungle school and decided to work on their tree house, erm.. well lets just say house, coz those days everybody lived on a tree or caves.
These kids found a coal and a round wheel and decided to play an elaborate prank on their friends but since these kids had nothing to do they decided to pwn people after 5125years..

The conversation went something like this.

!Sksak - ?Musha, come here man.. quick! I got it! I got it!! Yes!! 

?Musha – Calm the F down man! Why are you yelling!
!Sksak – Well we will make our own calendar and freak people out that the world is coming to an end!
?Musha – Uhm.. I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My parents would stone me to death if they found out!
(Those days stoning someone meant todays “go to your room!” and life had no value)
!Sksak – Lets do it to people way into the future.. Like how bout 5125years ahead!!
?Musha – Jesus Christ! Why would you do something like that!!
!Sksak – Jesus? Not for another 4000years man.. Dude chill. I’m telling you some idiots would freak out in that year! It’ll be EPIC!!!

*they go ahead designing the wheel, once its done*

?Musha – I’m still not sure! How would we know if it works!
!Sksak – Uh-oh.. Damn..
?Musha – I gotta run man. My mom is cooking T-Rex for dinner today.
!Sksak – What do we do of this junk now?
?Musha – lets bury it and hope people find it and decipher this  and freak out!

So they do and I am very sure those two kids must be rolling on the floor now somewhr!!

Got it off the Net. Cracked me up!